A Warped Final Fantasy X2
by Saddened Soul
Summary: Finally, the sequel to A Warped Final Fantasy X! Tidus and the gang return as they enter college, but now, what other evils lie in wait for the ever unfortunate Tidus and his friends?
1. College is Hell

(I'm finally doing the sequel to A Warped Final Fantasy X! Yay! Okay, read on.) 

Chapter one: So college is Hell, it doesn't compare to... Uh...

Wakka popped the breath mint in his mouth before shoving the box in Tidus's face. "Want some?" Tidus just stared at him. "What... do you think?"  
Wakka frowned. "Look brudda, it's not my fault you had a bad train experience and always get sick on one. The airport got blown up."  
Tidus gritted his teeth. "You just don't understand. I'm easily traumatized. When we were riding those Chocobo things, I fell and cracked my skull. I've never ridden them since."  
"So that's why..." Wakka muttered as Tidus stared at him.  
"Yeah, then, remember the last time we played Blitzball? I almost died."  
"Well, you can't swim brudda, ever since the Lochness Monster."  
"I saw it!" Tidus suddenly stood up and yelled. "It's real! Why doesn't anyone believe me! Nobody listened! They just put me in that patted room, why they did that, I'll never know."  
Wakka just sighed.  
It had been one year since he, Tidus, and everyone else graduated from high school. It was also the last they saw of the monkey, but Tidus thinks he's stalking him.  
Wakka glanced at his friend. "Hey, but we're finally going to college! I wanted to start last semester, but the college was blown up. I waited, and now I'm stuck with you, and Seymour. Why?"  
Tidus groaned. "College is Hell Wakka. Oh, and don't forget we're stuck with Rikku too."  
Suddenly, Seymour appeared in the seat behind him. "What's up guys?"  
Wakka popped another breath mint in his mouth. "Want one?" he asked as handed the box to Seymour, who took it while glancing at Tidus.  
"What's wrong with Tidus?"  
"Train sickness."  
The blonde quickly opened the window and puked for the fifth time since the beginning of the trip.  
Seymour glanced out the window. "Yeah, it's gonna be different with Yuna gone and all. I sorta had the hots for her."  
Seymour sighed and glanced at Tidus. "Course, you guys are a couple."  
Tidus gritted his teeth. "With that jackass, I don't think so."  
Wakka gasped and punched Tidus, who just looked at him. "You, you called a GIRL a donkey! You're a stinkin' low- life!"  
Tidus rubbed his stomach. "It's the truth. She's evil, evil. I'm seriously glad I don't have to see her again. You hang around her, you die, you slowly, but surely, d-i-e."  
Wakka sighed. "Just because you lip-locked with her and her dad hunted you down doesn't mean she can't be your friend."  
Tidus shook his head. "Mr... Uh, Yuna's dad put a restraining order, what is it you don't understand! Besides, she sold my sock puppet on e- bay, and you know what, she got filthy rich! I could've got filthy rich! It's not fair..."  
Wakka and Seymour just sighed.  
"I wish Yunie was here!" Rikku pouted as Paine wiped away Rikku's spit from her face.  
"You really are nothing without her, are you?" Paine asked. Rikku nodded while crying.  
Suddenly, the train stopped. "Now what!" Tidus muttered as he stood up and walked to the engineer's cabin.  
"What's up?" he asked as he walked in. The engineer stood up. "The electrcal systems have been disabled. But the only way to do that would be to control it from the top hatch on the top of the train."  
Tidus nodded and jumped from the window, much to the engineer's protest.  
Tidus landed on the train had stretched. "Whoa, I'm not sick anymore, cool!"  
He then looked around and saw a brown bushy tail stuck between a monkey but sticking out.  
"You!" Tidus exclaimed, forcing Monkey to look up.  
"So, you are stalking me!"  
Monkey looked around. "Where did you get that idea? I sabotage trains in my spare time. It's my hobby."  
"Sure it is," Tidus remarked as he jumped to the monkey and prepared to gut him.  
"STOP," a thunderous voice boomed. Tidus did stop and looked up, only to see the greatest he had ever seen.  
The clouds opened up, and a massive beam of light shot through. A huge dragony face appeared.  
"It's Neo Bahamut!" Monkey shouted. Tidus scratched his head. "What's a Neo Bahamut?"  
"SILENCE. I'VE TAKEN THIS FORM FOR MANY REASONS, I AM YOUR GOD."  
"You mean that Yevon dude?" Tidus asked.  
"NO, THE REAL GOD, NOT A SPIDER THING. BESIDES THAT, I'VE COME TO STOP THIS SENSELESS BICKERING."  
"Oh, jack off!" Monkey yelled, flipping his middle finger out.  
"YOU DARE FLICK ME OFF! YOU INSOLENT FOOL! I SHALL ERADICATE YOUR SOUL!"  
The Neo Bahamut God thing raised his hand, and brought it down, shouting, "FIST, OF FATE!"  
A massive purple beam of energy collided against Monkey, causing a huge explosion.  
As Tidus watched this, he noticed a number next to him. It was five.  
"Hey, Neo Bahamut God Thing, what's this number thingy for?"  
"IT SHOWS HOW MANY HIT POINTS YOU HAVE, OR, HP. YOU ONLY HAVE FIVE. ANYONE CAN KILL YOU."  
Tidus glanced at Monkey's. "Hey, why does he have 999999999999999?"  
"HE CHEATED."  
"Oh."  
Monkey slowly stood up from the assault, brushing himself off. "Ha! That attack only did 999999999999998 damage! However, now that I'm in critical status, I can use my limit break!"  
Monkey then turned around and shoved his butt, or ass, in Neo Bahamut God Thing's face.  
"BANANA GAS ATTACK!" he shouted as a freaky murky gas, which wreaked of rotten bananas, floated in Neo Bahamut Thing's face.  
Monkey smirked as placed his hands on his hips.  
"SORRY, I AM IMPERVIOUS TO FART STATUS EFFECTS."  
"Dammit! You, heal me!"  
Tidus just stared at him. "What do you mean?"  
"It's your turn! Use an Elixir on me!"  
Tidus fished in his pocket and brought out a spoiled chocolate bar from 1702. "I was gonna sell this on e-bay, but... it's starting to smell bad so, here!"  
Tidus chucked the chocolate bar at Monkey, who ate it and had his health fully restored.  
"HMM... I JUST REMEMBERED I HAD TO CHECK SOME ESTATES... HOWEVER, I SHALL RETURN. OH, AND IF ANY OF YOU REVEAL THE INFORMATION YOU MET ME, I SHALL PERSONALLY HUNT YOU DOWN AND OBLITERATE YOU... OKAY?"  
Tidus and Monkey nodded as Neo Bahamut Thing faded away.  
Monkey then turned back to Tidus. "Until next time," he yelled as he leapt onto another passing train.  
Tidus scratched his head. "Whoa. Did he plan that? If he did, he's very cliché."  
And so, Tidus decided to sit on the top of the train for the next five hours until they reached the college.  
"I gotta say, that was quite refreshing," Tidus stated as they exited the train.  
Seymour stepped behind them, holding his one suitcase while Wakka struggled with six.  
Tidus quickly scanned the college with his eyes, noticing two more trains stopping by.  
"Hey, let's go check out what other unlucky students couldn't get a plane," Wakka suggested as he and Seymour darted in that direction. Tidus began to follow when Rikku jumped on him.  
"Yay! Tidus is here! Come on Paine!"  
The silver- haired girl stepped out and glanced around, taking in the stupidity and worthlessness of it all.  
Tidus stood up. "What's your problem?"  
Paine stepped up. "She's all jumpy cause Yuna's not here."  
Tidus nodded and jogged over to Wakka and Seymour.  
Yuna sighed for the seventieth time as the train pulled in. "I don't believe this. The college is ransacked by some samurai bogeys and I'm stuck coming here."  
Lulu glanced around. "Well, at least we're not working at Target."  
The two stepped out, Kimhari eyeing his surroundings. "Kimhari's plans have been coming along smoothly," he thought as Wakka and Seymour neared.  
"Hey Yuna!" Wakka shouted. Yuna smiled, but Lulu groaned as Wakka strolled up to them.  
Tidus jogged up behind Seymour, taking notice of the two girls. "Oh no..." he muttered, trying to hide behind Seymour.  
"Hi," Yuna stated, walking up to them. Seymour nodded, but Tidus tried to back away.  
Yuna went around Seymour to face Tidus.  
"Oh, Tidus, I wanted to give you something.  
Tidus backed away again. "Wait, you can't be in fifty feet of me and vice versa."  
Yuna smiled. "But the restraining order has expired."  
Tidus looked shock. "No, it can't be!"  
Yuna opened one of her bags and brought out a worn out sock puppet.  
Tidus gasped. "Socky! But how!"  
"I bought it from a contractor."  
Tidus glanced around. "But then, who bought it in the first place?" Yuna pointed to Serymour as he drank some water.  
Seymour looked back. "What?... Wait, it was you!"  
Yuna nodded as Tidus took Socky.  
"Sorry, it's just my grandma gave this to me."  
Suddenly, Rikku sprinted into the crowd and pounced on Yuna.  
"Yunie, you're here! It's a miracle!"  
Yuna just stared at her cousin. "Um, hey Rikku."  
Wakka struggled to hold his bags. "Uh... I think it would be a good idea for all of us to deposit our luggage in the appropriate account. Can we please go inside!"  
Pain and Lulu wasted not time, while Seymour helped Yuna up. Rikku smiled gleefully and sprinted inside, followed by Wakka.  
"You guys need any help?" Seymour asked. Yuna shook her head while Tidus began to walk to the train.  
"I'm fine, I just forgot something."  
Seymour nodded and went inside, leaving Yuna and Tidus alone.  
Yuna picked up her things and walked to the entrance. "Uh, Tidus? Could you watch Kimhari?"  
The blonde glanced at the blue feline counterpart of Hades. "Um... Uh... Well...S-Sure."  
Yuna smiled and nodded as Tidus carefully picked up the cage and walked to the train.  
"Kimhari did not expect to meet so soon." Tidus chuckled. "Yeah, about that, I know you were the one who orchestrated the events at Yuna's house that night."  
The feline only meowed, confirming Tidus's worst fears.  
"So, what do you really want?" Tidus asked. Kimhari just brushed his tail on the gate of his cage. "Kimhari want the world."  
Tidus sat down in front of the cage. "The world, eh? Why are all the villains so cliché?"  
"Kimhari know you poopy- head, which is why Kimhari has taken means to make certain you do not interfere."  
Tidus stroked his chin. "Okay, so, are you really talking, or am I really a poopy- head?"  
"Well, is the world a basic computer program created by machines which are using our real bodies for energy purposes?"  
"Uh... It can happen."  
Tidus suddenly stood up and fished through his pocket. He smiled and brought out a memory card for the PS2.  
"Yeah, I had it all along!"  
"Kimhari wish to know what Tidus holds."  
Tidus looked down at the cat. "It's Playstation 2 memory card. I can continue my new game in Final Fantasy X-2."  
Tidus then picked up the cage and continued inside...


	2. The Curse

(Oh my God… I'm updating!)

Chapter Two: The Curse

Tidus yawned loudly as he entered the building. He noticed that holding up Kimhari in his cage was becoming very tiring. "So, Kimhari, what does Yuna feed you?"

"Yuna feed Kimhari sushi, egg rolls, tuna, cocoa, ecstasy… and octopus."

Tidus stroked his chin. "Okay, well let me find Yuna's dormitory and I'll drop you off."

Tidus approached the large charity thing and scanned for a Yuna… Hold on, what is Yuna's last name? Heck, I'm the one telling the story and I don't even know her last name!

Luckily, for Tidus there was only one Yuna, so he easily found the room number and decided to take the elevator. He sighed while heading towards a side hallway and up to the elevator door. Pressing the 'Up' button, he quickly slid in and pressed the button for floor 6.

Tidus sneezed while inspecting the room. There was a television set up in the top right corner, and 'Fear Factor' was showing. Deciding to waste time, Tidus took a remote from a side shelf and flipped through a few channels. He was about to change the channel again, but he was mysteriously stopped when a commercial came on showing two children playing in a park.

They were playing with toy trucks, and one was drinking a glass of chocolate milk. However, a man suddenly walked up to them, but there was a quick distortion in the picture, lasting only a nano- second. Tidus and Kimhari saw it though; a desolate well with a few horses in the distance. The scene returned to the commercial. "How can you kids be drinking HERSKEY? You should be drinking Ovaltine!"

As the man finished saying this, another distortion occurred, and this time an arm was reaching out from the well. The scene returned to normal. "It tastes great, and great for," The man stopped saying that as the picture froze. The image became distorted once more, and the man's face was split in half, the color scheme turned gray. A disturbing burping sound could be heard from the television, and Tidus quickly turned it off.

"What the hell was that?" he thought aloud as the elevator door opened, revealing a long carpeted hallway with many rooms.

Tidus shrugged it off and walked to the room numbered, 570. It was open, as were many of the others, and he looked inside. Rikku was painting her nails on one bed, but Yuna was not present.

He entered. "Hey, Rikku, where's Yuna?" She glanced at him with a smile. "She's downstairs talking with Wakka and Seymour; the orientation ceremony is starting tonight, you know."

He nodded. "Yeah, but can I leave Kimhari here? It's her cat, not mine."

"Sure!"

Tidus smiled and plopped the cage on the free bed before striding out of the room and downstairs.

"May I have a Danish, please?" Seymour asked politely while walking up to the coffee bar. The lady on duty smiled nicely and opened a small compartment, and with a napkin, took out a glazed pastry and handed it to him,

"That will be 5.47," she stated as he reached into his pocket and took out some gil.

After paying, he took the pastry and began to nibble on it while walking back to the student area. Yuna was flipping through some channels on one of the small TVs while Wakka played cards with himself.

"This is way too hard, ya?" he asked Yuna, receiving only a grunt. Tidus finally found the room and strode over to Yuna. "I dropped Kimhari off with Rikku," he stated as she left it on a channel. "Fine, fine…"

He shrugged and glanced at the TV, noticing the same man. "…or you could just drink a glass of pure chocolate Ovaltine!" he said as the screen was distorted, but Tidus was the only one who noticed the girl climbing out of the well. Wakka, Yuna, and a majority of the other students had seen the commercial. Seymour was not paying attention though, so Tidus waved to him and walked back upstairs.

After glancing at the schedule board again, he located his room and quickly got to it. The door was slightly open, and the hallway was different from the one in which Yuna's room was located.

He sighed and entered, noticing the other person writing a letter in the desk near his bed. The person had his stuff neatly organized; there were two pictures with frames standing near a small clock. He was wearing a black leather jacket over a crimson shirt, and his jeans were black. His boots were, you guessed it, black too, and his black hair was very long, flowing down his back. He also wore a blood red bandana, and his eyes were red.

Tidus cleared his throat and asked, "Are you, um, Vincent Valentine? If you are, you're my roommate.

Vincent slightly turned his head and nodded before swiftly finishing the letter and sealing it in an envelope; he wrote the name and address to whom it was designated, and he slid it to the corner of the desk.

Tidus shrugged again and sat down on his bed, looking around at the lone bookshelf in the corner of the room. There was another, gasp, television positioned on a small shelf, and it was only then that Tidus noticed he still had the remote with him.

Vincent sighed and leaned back in the chair as his roommate threw the remote towards the door; it collided with it loudly and fell to the floor.

Tidus sighed and glanced at Vincent. "Are those your friends in those pictures?" he inquired. Vincent remained silent.

"Hey, don't be an ass!"

Vincent turned to him. "Please, whoever you are, could you be quiet? If we are to be roommates, than we have to respect each other's privacy."

Tidus frowned. "I was just curious; are a goth?"

"I may look like one."

"That's not an answer!"

"If you use your head it is."

"You!"

Tidus, enraged, leaped at Vincent, but he grasped a dart from his bag and threw it at the blonde, nailing him in the shoulder. Tidus fell to the floor and winced in pain, jerking the dart out and dropping it to the floor. "Jesus Christ, it's bleeding! What the hell was that?"

"Self- defense."

"But you didn't have to throw a dart at me! You could've killed me!"

"I didn't want to kill you, so I aimed at a spot where none pf your internal organs could be struck. I had quite good practice when forced to play with Cloud and Barret."

Tidus cupped his shoulder with his hand. "I've been attacked with swords before, but this hurt like hell!"

"Stop whining."

So, Tidus proceeded to unpack his belongings and set up his area on the left side of the room. "Can I at least ask where you came from?" Vincent closed his eyes. "I used to live in a city named Midgar, but I was unfortunately drawn into this little group of friends when I was in high school. My friend, Tifa, was valedictorian and I was salutatorian, so we had our choice of good colleges. I was meant to head over to Flanorin Academy, but the airports were attacked by a series of wannabee samurais. The police caught one and questioned him. He said he was working under the 'Divine One'."

"Where did you see this?"

"Today Show."

"Oh, I was once attacked by some samurais at the movies once," he responded as Vincent shrugged.


	3. The LeBlanc Syndicate

(Wow… somebody read it again! I doubted anyone skimmed through the archives anymore…)

Chapter Three: The LeBlanc Syndicate

_If you are reading this, then I must say you are reading something very wrong and disturbing. I've been having strange dreams, and they've been making me wonder: is any of this for real… or not? Well, I guess some of it comes from Wakka's por-_

"What are you writing, Seymour?" Wakka asked while peering over his roomie's shoulder. Seymour quickly covered it up and glared at Wakka. "It's none of your business!"

"Sorry, brudda, just-,"

"Wakka, I'm going for a walk; fill me in on the orientation when I get back, 'kay?"

"Sure, but-,"

Seymour got out of the chair, grabbed a trench coat from a coat rack and walked out of the room.

(Seymour on a bus; Sad, bittersweet music playing; 8:47 P.M.)

Seymour fidgeted in his seat, glancing at some of the other occupants. There was a hobo mumbling to himself; a nerd playing _Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories _on his GameBoy Advance X; a big… um… er… 'gifted' young woman rubbing herself against another hobo, who was…

Seymour rolled his eyes and concentrated on the street. "Quite a spectacle; if I was a young, male human I would be-,"

"Quiet! Can't you talk about something less perverted?"

"What? There isn't anything else to talk about!"

Seymour was about to respond, but then he caught the hobo looking at him with an expression that stated: 'You're such a wacko! At least I mumble…'

The blue- haired, true main character sighed once more and stood up once the bus stopped; he got off and began to walk on the cold, concrete sidewalk.

He wrapped the coat around himself as the temperature was very low, and he stared up at an advertisement screen on a building. "Remember to drink your chocolate Ovaltine!"

As Seymour watched this, a gloved hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him into a dark alleyway. "Well, Zell, you… Oh, who are you?" a tall, too slim character asked. "Come on Logos! He's just a strangely haired kid!" an _extremely _obese idiot exclaimed as he stepped out of the darkness.

Both of them wore purple uniforms with an intricate, black symbol in the center.

"I was just asking him his name, Ormi! Besides, my codename is Legos and yours is Porky!" The fat one laughed. "You can ask him his name when we get back to the hideout; come on kid."

Seymour, being somewhat amused by this, decided to follow the two down several more alleyways and into a small, Asian restaurant. They approached the cash register and pressed a few buttons, causing the floor to open and reveal a stairway.

Before they descended it though, the door suddenly opened.

"Um, pizza here, for a Miss LeBlanc!"

Logos sighed in annoyance and walked over to the pizza delivery boy and took the pizza from his hand. "How much?" The delivery boy looked up and took off his _Luca's Number One Pepperoni! _Hat and thought for a moment. Seymour was utterly shocked by the delivery boy. He seemed to be the same age as Tidus, wore the same parka- only red-, and had the same, except a little shorter, dirty blonde hair. He was wearing a pair of beige cargo pants and had on some sneakers.

"9:50, I think… Oh, 'name's Shuyin; Chappu couldn't make it for you guys, so I came as a substitute; it's my first day you know…"

Logos nodded and grabbed Shuyin's arm. "Hold on! Lady LeBlanc doesn't like having her pizza delivered late! It's most likely cold by now, so… you have some answering to do."

Ormi grasped Shuyin by the shoulders and led him down the staircase; Seymour and Logos followed.

They entered a large, oriental chamber. There were many different corridors and hallways branching off to the sides, but there was one main hallway… and they went down that one.

Many women and men in kimonos scurried around, doing different tasks. Seymour watched them, while Shuyin was a tad bewildered.

"Hey, sorry… it's my first day! People make mistakes!"

"Yes, but people are smart enough to not make mistakes with Lady LeBlanc!"

"Oh…"

They walked through a great doorway with two golden dragon statues on each side. Here was a heavy aroma in the next chamber; a television was on in one corner and there was a small puppy darting around. A woman sat in the center of the room, reading. She had her blonde hair pinned up and wore a long purple dress. She held the magazine with one hand while fanning herself, with an oriental fan, with the other.

"Why are you two imbeciles late? Did you find Zell? Who're these two?"

"We were unable to find Zell, milady, but we did get your pizza, even though it's half an hour late; the blonde one was responsible for that. The blue- haired one is a guest."

The lady stood up, placing both the fan and magazine down. "Well, now, there are a few things we must get straight, first-,"

There were several screams suddenly, and the sound of heavy gunfire. After a few moments, a young woman with long brown hair stepped into the room. She wore a blue dress and two other men walked up beside her.

"Time's up, LeBlanc; Lord K is not happy with your acquirement of the Shadow Ruby." Seymour thought he vaguely remembered the girl, like from high school. Shuyin seemed to be in shock; Seymour betted it was because of the girl's beauty.

LeBlanc stepped back. "Give us some more time, I-,"

"No; open fire," the girl calmly stated. The two men unleashed a barrage of bullets, but LeBlanc, Logos, and Ormi were gone in a puff of smoke.

One bullet slammed into Seymour's hair, lodging itself into the blue mess. "Holy moley!" Shuyin cried as one of the men grabbed him.

"Put them in the truck; Lord K will find a suitable judgment. She then walked out of the room, leaving the other man to knock Seymour unconscious with the blunt end of his rifle.

(Yeah, crappy chapter, but what can I say?)


End file.
